I was speaking to my sister on the phone yesterday. She and her family go to Hillsong church. We spoke about a pastor who has been stood down in the USA, for having affairs. My sister said about Brian Houston ‘I think he’s very trusting of people and he trusted that pastor’. I said, ‘well he wasn’t trained by Beryl (our mother) was he?!?You know, where everyone is under suspicion until proven otherwise!’ She laughed and agreed, yep we grew up trained in the fine art of guilty until proven innocent! The truth is, we are all incredibly shaped by our families for good and for ill, and today we’re looking at that. We are in our third week of a sermon series on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality as part of the season of Lent, and we’ll follow this for the 6 Sundays before Easter.
Today is about the impact of our family on us, and Joseph had a doozy of a family going back generations. Joseph’s grandparents are Abraham and Sarah. In their relationship alone you have lies (Abraham lied twice about Sarah), sibling rivalry of Isaac and Ishmael, favouritism (Abraham favoured Ishmael and that caused big issues).
Joseph’s grandparents are Isaac and Rebecca and in the relationship we find lies, sibling rivalry, favouritism, and an unhealthy marriage. Then we look at Joseph’s father Jacob and his mother Rachel and you have lies, sibling rivalry between Esau and Jacob and favouritism (Isaac favoured Esau and Rebecca favoured Jacob). Are you seeing any patterns?
Joseph’s father Jacob has two wives and two concubines. He was lied to by his father in law, and tricked into marrying sisters Leah and Rachel. Jacob has a favourite wife Rachel and therefore her first born Joseph is the favourite son, out of 12 children. And that causes enormous problems.
There is a generational pattern of behaviour here, but interestingly, Joseph breaks this family pattern. And if you’re here today thinking, I see the family pattern in my own family and I can see it happening again…I want to say, there is hope.
Jacob is the favourite son and Joseph makes a special robe of many colours – it’s a symbol of status and authority. So here’s Joseph, the youngest, but he’s given the authority by the father as the favourite kid. One of Joseph’s abilities is that he has dreams. One night Joseph has a dream where he sees everybody, including his brothers, bowing down to him. Having the dream is not so bad, but then he shares it with his brothers who already despise him. Joseph says “isn’t that a great dream???” and he brothers say, “Yeh….let’s kill him”
Joseph life seems marked by traumas at the hands of his family. His brothers hate him at this point so much that they throw him into a deep well to die. He’s finally pulled out of the well by some of his younger brothers who feel bad for him, but then he is sold to the Egyptians as a slave. The brothers then go back to their elderly father Jacob and They tell their father that Joseph’s been killed by lions. There’s lying, secrecy, favouritism and jealousy, just like their parents before them and their grandparents before them. In the space of one day, Joseph loses his parents, siblings, culture, country, language, freedom, and hope.
Then in Egypt, he was falsely accused of raping Potiphar’s wife and thrown into prison. His own family reject him, sell him as a slave, and then he’s thrown into gaol based on lies. You kind of wonder “How can Joseph go forward? How did he not just give up? I mean, he’s here simply because of his family.
In gaol Joseph would have had a LOT of time to think about how his family had wrecked his life. If anyone should have been filled with rage and bitterness toward his family, it was Joseph! You’d think he’d be plotting his revenge, working out how to get even, if he ever got out of gaol. But the story of Joseph doesn’t finish that way. In fact, he went on to honour and bless the family that betrayed him.
After almost 13 years in prison, through a series of events, Joseph is elevated by the Pharaoh to be one of his advisers and is made number two person in this super power nation of Egypt. Joseph is put in full charge of Egypt. Famine does eventually break out, not just in Egypt, but all over the surrounding area, but because of Joseph Egypt is well prepared for the famine.
Joseph’s brothers have to travel to Egypt to beg for food 22 years have now passed Joseph is physically unrecognizable to them…but Joseph knew exactly who they were. He’d spent 22 years thinking about them. At this point he could have had them thrown in gaol – he would not have even needed a reason. He could have had them killed – just as they had intended for him at one point. Or, he could have walked away and commanded another Egyptian deal with them…because this is painful.
But he does neither of those things. He sets up a bit of a test to see if his brothers have changed over the years, and it seems they have. He then reveals who he is. He helps his father and brothers settle on the best land Egypt has.
How does he do this?
Firstly, he has a profound sense of God in all of his circumstances.
Joseph repeatedly affirms that God was with him throughout his whole life, the good and the bad, the pain and the hardship. He says to his brothers in Genesis 45:8 “So it was God who sent me here, not you! And he is the one who made me an adviser to Pharaoh—the manager of his entire palace and the governor of all Egypt.”
Joseph understood that in all things God is at work, in spite of, some of the diabolical circumstances we find ourselves in…sometimes because of our family.
Many years later Joseph says to his brothers (and this is a great verse) Genesis 50:20-21:
20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. 21 No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.”
I want to be really clear, I don’t believe God makes these bad things happen in our families. I don’t believe God intended to harm us and I don’t believe he intends us to end up in families that hurt us.
But it’s this idea that God says, if you give it to me, if you give your life to me, I’ll EVEN use the pain in your life and in your families, and bring about something good.
The point of the story of Joseph’s family is that God can and will work in mysterious ways through all this mess of life we experience. God is working to move Joseph to a place in Egypt to bless and save many people. God is working on a purpose in spite of Joseph’s brothers and messed up father. Joseph believes that God is weaving a plan, even when he can’t see it. He’s in prison. He’s a slave. He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he knows one thing that brings him hope—God is good.
Second, he honestly admits the sadness and losses of his family.
He does not deny or minimise the harm done to him. He grieves it deeply. In fact Genesis 45:2 says “Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him”. He does not sweep anything under the carpet and pretend nothing happened. But out of his honest grieving of the pain, he truly forgave and was able to bless the brothers who had betrayed him.
Finally, Joseph partnered with God to be a blessing.
Joseph had a choice. He could have destroyed his brothers in his anger, but instead he chose to bless them. I think, this choice is not about the brothers, but it’s about God. Can God be trusted? Is God good? Is God safe? Then, I can make brave choices for my future, and they don’t have to be determined by my pain. God bless as you go back to your family of origin, to go forward.